Jan 9, 2013
Hi, my name is C.J. and I’ll be taking you on a wild ride all about BDSM. So keep your arms and legs inside or I’ll have to tie them up! 
So many people are convinced that BDSM, or commonly known as S&M, is dangerous, taboo, and painful. The truth of this fetish is that you don’t have to do any part of it that makes you uncomfortable. You can also choose your level of involvement. To assume the role completely, you’ll get into the more hardcore play. Don’t be intimidated by anything that’s for the more advanced. You may wish to start with softcore and work your way up to the more hardcore play. The key aspects of BDSM are trust and communication. Having both of these in your relationship or BDSM “agreement” will ensure for an experience full of pleasure.
If you’re interested in learning more about BDSM, chances are you’ve read E.L. James’s best-selling novel Fifty Shades of Grey.
Want to explore or understand the fetish more? BDSM is an acronym for what’s involved in fetish, and explains almost everything in the title. B- Bondage or bottom. D- Dominant/Dominatrix (commonly known as top) or discipline. S- Slave, submissive, or sadism. M- Master/Mistress or masochism.
To explore the world of BDSM, you must first ask yourself if you have complete trust in your relationship. Do you trust your partner to tie you up and not rob you blind? Or more importantly, do you trust your partner to stop immediately if you are uncomfortable or in pain? Typically, you decide if you are a bottom or a dominant beforehand and most often don’t switch roles out of preference for your own. Personally, I’ve chosen to be a submissive, but I don’t mind switching things up on occasion because my personality can fit that of both a dominant and a submissive. If you prefer to initiate sex and like to take control, you are most likely a dominant, or top. If you assume the role completely, you can ask your partner to address you as Master/Mistress during “play time” or “a scene.” People who are more passive, like to be told what to do or taken control of, will be the submissive or bottom in the relationship. The submissive places complete trust in their dominant to keep his or her wants and needs in mind and to never overstep the boundaries set in advance. The dominant values the submissive’s trust and should recognize if a situation is getting out of hand. The bond this type of complete trust creates brings the dominant and submissive closer together. It’s a great way for couples to reconnect on another level, as well.
Love isn’t always a necessary factor in BDSM. There are BDSM communities, organized-groups, or house parties where the two consenting adults who enter into a BDSM agreement, or contract, have never met before. There are code words that people use in adds when looking for a partner. Often times, members of these communities will rate previous tops or bottoms they have had so others may know how the relationship will go. Word of mouth is key when looking for a partner who is a stranger to you. If a dominant oversteps the boundaries or doesn’t stop when his or her submissive says to, he or she will often no longer be welcome in the community.
People who are into the more hardcore side of BDSM will often enter into verbal or written contracts for safety. Whether you have a written contract or not, it is important to communicate with your partner and set limits. There are two different types of limits you need to consider: hard limits and soft limits. Hard limits are things you will not do under any circumstances. I’ve chosen my limits based on 3 criteria, the first being if it’ll cause my body permanent damage. I will allow light biting, spanking, or scratching, but it CANNOT leave a deep mark or draw blood. The second condition is about my moral code. I will not allow age play. This means I’m not willing to role play as a minor. My third condition is based on if it makes me sick or is unhygienic. For example, I won’t allow fecal play. No pun intended, but holy crap, ew! Soft limits are things you are not willing to try now, but may be talked into at a later time. I had placed anal play under soft limits because I knew that some amazing pleasure could come from it, but I wasn’t quite ready to explore that yet. After experiencing anal play, I moved it to my acceptable list. You are welcome to change up your lists as much as you want, just be sure to keep your communication open so you and your partner are on the same page.
There are some submissive people that practice “no limits” in their agreements. In these situations, the dominant in the relationship needs to know when his or her submissive has had enough before serious damage can occur since the submissive will most likely not tell their dominant to stop. Whether you practice hardcore or softcore BDSM, it is important to establish safe words. These safe words need to be words you’re not likely to say during sex. You may be tempted to cry out “stop” or “no” out of intense pleasure. In Fifty Shades of Grey the characters use the words “yellow” meaning “I’m getting close to my limit, slow down” and “red’ meaning “stop immediately.” However, you can choose whatever words you want, even if it’s “lamp” or “pineapple.”
Now let’s discuss the toys and gadgets that can be used during BDSM “play time.” If you want something more advance or hardcore, you can go for something such as medical play. This is a fetish often focused on medial role play, such as a sexy nurse or hot doctor, and can involve genital clamps or tools you would see in a gynecologist’s office. Electorstimulation is wonderful for that extra shocking stimulation, such as vibrators that deliver a small electric shock
. These may sound too intimidating, especially if you’re a beginner. There are several starter kits to introduce you to BDSM slowly. 
Often times, they include a mask, some form of restraints, and a small paddle, whip, or feather tickler. Using a mask, and especially paring it with other toys and gadgets, can intensify your experience. Some people like the feeling of not knowing what’s coming next. Restraints, or bondage, are a great way for a dominant to feel in control. When I’m in the mood to play dominatrix, I enjoy knowing that my submissive can’t touch me back no matter how much they want to. As a submissive, I enjoy practicing what’s called a “forced orgasm.” This is where the submissive is restrained in some way, and the dominant does whatever they need to, within the boundaries, to bring the submissive to orgasm. This deepens your arousal because of your inability to move away from the stimulant.
Spread bars and bed restraints are wonderful for experimenting with “forced orgasm.”Many people are afraid of restraints and are unwilling to try them. This is where trust is most important. There are also several different types of restraints to choose from. Soft fabric restraints are great for beginners and are easy to get out of.
Bondage tape is great for role play and only sticks to itself.
There are also more realistic handcuffs, hog ties, and suspension restraints for the more experienced.
Whips and paddles and floggers, oh my! Oh my, yes, but in a good way! These don’t have to be as intimidating as they seem. Experiment with light whipping, paddling, or flogging first. You don’t need to hit your partner until they bleed, unless you both want to. A small, thin paddle is great for beginners. Lightly spank the desired area, often times the rear end of your submissive. This will bring a little blood to the surface and intensify the feeling in that area. It’s also a very powerful feeling to lightly paddle the vagina. Paddles can be used for reward and discipline. This method is used for “training” a submissive to act how the dominant wants. For example, if a submissive tries to pull away, a dominant can use a paddle (as long as it’s not on the hard limits list) as discipline. Once the submissive follows the correct behavior, he or she will be rewarded with sexual pleasure. Some paddles are made with a soft, fuzzy side that can be used as a reward, as well.
You can also experiment with humiliation play. So now you’re thinking to yourself, why would anyone want to be humiliated? You may even be able to understand how some people enjoy pain; there is a fine line between pleasure and pain, after all. Remember that a person who completely assumes the role as a submissive actually likes to be told what to do. Have you ever been turned on by a taboo subject, such as having sex in a public place? Everyone has something that’s considered taboo to vanilla people. Vanilla, meaning straight sex, unwilling or uninformed of sexual alternatives such as toys and role playing. Humiliation is just another form of a taboo subject that turns some people on. Toys and gadgets used for humiliation can be things like leashes, face masks, and gag balls.
The wonderful thing about BDSM is you can customize everything with your partner. If your hard limits list is so long that it outweighs what you’re willing to do, it’s perfectly fine to say you’ll only allow blindfolds, spanking, and furry handcuffs and nothing else. So don’t be intimidated by the exotic and kinky world of BDSM, and remember to keep your mind and your communication with your partner open.
Related Posts:
Are you curious about prostate play? Or maybe you’ve tried it and want some tips to make it even more fun? We’ll give you all the info you need to see for yourself why more men and their partners are discovering how much fun prostate stimulation can be.
In my eyes this is a very sad thing to hear!!! All woman deserve this type of pleasure. I will say before Gigi I always thought that it was a myth. Well guess what all you guys and girls out there, its not!
Recent Comments