May 10, 2013

Blue Boutique just turned 26 years old In April. In that time we’ve had an amazing journey in Utah. We’ve grown from a tiny store in Sugarhouse to 4 locations. We’ve sold more than 3 million sexy items to our customers in that time. We’d now like to know how you uses those items. Take 15 minutes to take our new sex and sexuality survey and let us know what you like to do under the sheets. The survey is anonymous, but if you choose, you can enter to win a $150 gift certificate to the online store.

The survey includes questions about your first time, your favorite sex positions, How open your parents are about sex and sexuality, fantasies, fetishes, What are your favorite sex toys and more.

We plant to publish the results of our survey on the Blue Boutique website in July 2013.

http://www.blueboutique.com/limesurvey/index.php/53997/lang-en

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Mar 4, 2013

Last week I was asked by a TV news network to offer my insights on the topics of sexual domination and submission (BDSM), and how they related to violence toward women. The news piece was to be a spin on the effects of the book “Fifty Shades of Grey”. The reporter asked me if I could help her find some BDSM practitioners and others who she could interview. A kind couple agreed to be interviewed in my office and a friend of mine who owns a sex-toy shop in town were featured in story. Once I saw the final piece aired on TV, I could do nothing but laugh at the way that all our words where edited and twisted to fit the angle the reporter wanted. In some cases, our words and phrases were edited to convey the exact opposite of what we had intended.

In additional to learning a lesson about the media, I’ve also discovered the obvious irony of this larger story. As I’ve always taught, the most important aspect of BDSM is clear and honest communication. I am often asked how I can be a faithful Latter-day Saint Christian and not be opposed to BDSM.

First of all, it’s my job to be aware of everything in the sexology world. Because I have chosen to help others, I need to understand the interests, allures, and enticements of what’s out there. I need to be able to work with couples who may be approaching sexuality from a non-traditional angle. My job and calling is to educate and guide while delaying judgment. Such an understanding doesn’t mean that I must personally embrace the practice. (If I personally practiced everything I’ve been exposed to in sexology, I would be one busy, tired, and sore girl!) I’ll readily admit that pain doesn’t bring me pleasure, so my usual limits are blindfolds, fashionable furry wrist restraints, and a little control. But I’ve seen more than you can imagine, and I can share what I know when it’s appropriate.

Secondly, BDSM, as with many types of sexually activities, has many layers. For example, think about the power-exchange in your own sex life. Is it always 50:50? Most definitely not. At any given moment it’s nearly impossible to be in perfect balance. (But you can strive for a 50:50 average over an evening or over a couple of sessions). When engaged in an unbalanced exchange, you are then practicing a mild form of domination and submission. The difference is that you may be ignorant of your imbalance while traditional BDSM practitioners prepare for it, acknowledge it, and improve upon it. They manage the give-and-take of sex in an emotionally healthy way that follow predefined boundaries and rules.

I offer a “BDSM & Kink” class just for this reason—to teach couples that to have a healthy sexual relationship they need to acknowledge and manage the imbalances that are inherent in sex, and that by ignoring them, we perpetuate ignorance in our roles. For those who strive for equality, the BDSM community would call you both “switches”—each willing to take on either role and alternate them as agreed upon, either explicitly or implicitly as determined by the situation. In happy marriages, I believe that couples who are “switches” are the most successful, even if they agree that one will be a firm dom while the other is a willing sub. Learning such concepts and skills in class will help the couple develop trust which is another crucial part of BDSM and of a healthy intimate relationship.

Related Posts:

• The Wonderful World of Role Play!
• Introduction to B.D.S.M.
• Beyond 50 Shades: Different Loving, Gloria Brame, William Brame, Jon Jacobs.

Mar 1, 2013

Is spending taxpayer resource necessary to create a Sex Education curriculum for Utah’s somewhat naive parents a wise choice? We don’t think so. This week, we saw Senator Steward Reid pushing a sex education bill that would create a curriculum that teaches Utah’s parents how to talk to their children about sex and sexuality. While we applaud the acknowledgement that the predominate culture’s perception of sexuality is flawed in Utah, we don’t think that the theocracy should spend resources in doing so.

Utah’s dominant religion has a long history of unscientific attitudes towards sex and sexuality. They have a long history of opposing gay and lesbian sex, even though Utah’s been named one of the gayest cities in America. They are against abortion, with a few caveats. They discourages artificial insemination. They strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. Oral Sex? Forget about it. Masturbation? Nope that’s a sin.

I don’t think that Mr. Reid has a clue how easily scientifically accurate information is readily available on the internet for parents to learn from. Open any browser  and If you take 30 seconds of your time to search for “Sex Education for Children” on sites such as Amazon.com, you’ll find that you only have a choice of 3,374 books to choose from.

These titles include, “It’s So Amazing”, “It’s Not the Stork”, “Let’s Talk about S-E-X” and many more. You even have the option to “Look Inside” to see if it’s something that agrees with your moral compass.

Utah’s sex education laws in public schools does not allow for comprehensive sex education. I would be surprised if they come up with a curriculum for parents that has anything but abstinence only education as the main premise for the course. I’ll also bet that they use taxpayer resources to create the curriculum that mirrors the teachings of the LDS church.

I’m all for the sex education of children, age appropriate, of course. I have two daughters have been so educated about sex and sexuality from such a young age, I get the “I Know, I, Know, I Know” from them every time we have a discussion about it. They groan and moan and roll their eyes because they’ve been educated from a young age. They’re far more educated than their peers about sex and sexuality. Over the year’s its been sad to listen to what their friends though about sex and sexuality.

Sex should be a subject that is discussed openly, honestly and with scientific accuracy both in the schools and at home. I do not believe that we need to use taxpayer resources to teach “Parents” how to talk with their children about sex and sexuality. The curriculum that is being suggested will mirror the dominate religions view of sex and sexuality.

If Utah history repeats itself, the curriculum that they will develop is going to be an “Abstinence Only” curriculum, which has been show over, and over again that it doesn’t work. I’m not for the theocrats that control this state, to teach bigotry and hatred using taxpayer resources. Even if Mr. Reid says that it won’t cost the state any more money, he’s not telling you that it will  cost the state resources that could be applied somewhere else.

Current Utah sex education laws forbids curriculum that  educate children about about condoms or birth control methods as a way of preventing pregnancy or STDs. A teacher can even be held criminally liable if they teach anything about homosexuality or birth control in the classroom. God forbid that we talk about the biggest civil rights issue since the 1960’s.

Science has shown that states that choose to teach abstinence only education have higher rates of teen pregnancy than states that teach comprehensive sex education.

While I don’t think it’s necessary to use taxpayer resource to develop a theological based curriculum, I would ask that if they are going to develop a sex educational course for parents, they need to take the religion out of the curriculum and teach comprehensive sex education. Where as the curriculum is has been developed by Sex Educators, Doctors and sex therapists.

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