Mar 5, 2013
It seems like every man’s dream is to have two women at once, so chances are, you’ve probably been asked to be a part of a ménage a trios by some guy in your life; maybe even more than once. This can be hurtful, especially when asked by the love of your life. Other times, it can be just plain awkward. This is my story of every steamy, strange, or painful threesome encounter I’ve had in my dating history, and what I’ve learned from them.
A few years ago, I was dating a man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I’d never felt this way about someone before, and Sean had said he’d felt the same. I’ve always been a sexually open person and willing to experiment with just about anything, so I’d thought I’d been keeping Sean satisfied. The thought of him wanting a threesome had never even occurred to me. He’d told me at the beginning of our relationship that he’d never want to have a threesome with a woman he loved, saying it’d make him feel as if she were easy or he’d probably be bored of her at that point.
Randomly, some time into our relationship, he asked me if I would have a threesome with my best friend, Carrie. Why her, of all people? When I asked Sean why he’d picked her, he’d simple said because she was convenient. Perhaps the only possible worse person to pick would be an ex love interest of his. This, of course, crushed me. All I could think about was if he even still loved me. Sean tried to reassure me, saying that a threesome was the only thing he’d never tried before and he was curious. I tried to stay open to the idea and to come up with some sort of compromise. I proposed that we try a threesome with another woman, but not necessarily Carrie, and later try one with another man. He immediately turned down the idea, angry at the thought of having to share me with another man. It wasn’t surprising that he’d feel this way, but it was irritating that he expected me to be fine with having to watch him be intimate with another woman.
I couldn’t bring myself to go through with a threesome with Sean and Carrie, and I’m extremely glad I didn’t. As it turns out, the real reason why Sean had chosen Carrie was because he’d had feelings for her. He even admitted to wanting to be with her and ‘couldn’t think of anything more amazing than having us together at the same time.’ It’s no surprise that my relationship with Sean ended badly shortly after this bit of information came out.
They say the number one rule when having a threesome while you’re in a relationship is to never pick a friend. Someone is bound to become jealous or feel left out. So what happens if you pick a third partner that you have absolutely no sexual attraction to? A few years before Sean, I went through an experimental phase with my friend, Anne. We’d decided together to try a threesome with a mutual friend, Mason, that neither of us were attracted to. I was supposed to be the focus; Anne had no interest in touching or being touched by anyone but me. As things were heating up between the three of us, with me in between Anne and Mason, both had a hand down my pants, Anne started to become uncomfortable. She was practically repulsed by Mason’s presence. Although Mason did nothing for me sexually, it was still a turn on to have two people paying so much attention to me. Anne was so turned off that she couldn’t go any further.
Anne and I would get another chance later on, long after Sean and I were over. I’d started dating this guy named Ian. He was a really great person, but I didn’t have quite as deep of feelings for him as I did Sean. It’s probably the only reason why I was able to break the first rule of having a threesome. Ian and I had talked lightly about having a threesome, but he never pressured me or even made any awkward suggestions of who we should pick. I brought up the idea to Anne, but asked her to keep it to herself so I could take some time to think it over. One night, the three of us were watching movies and drinking in Anne’s living room. We’d definitely had too much and Anne was starting to get tired. I’d pretty much decided where I wanted the night to go at this point so I tried to keep her awake by keeping her standing. It worked better than I’d hoped.
Anne started to run her hands up and down my sides, kissing my neck while Ian watched. She pulled me over to the couch and had me kneel in front of her. When our lips met, Ian took it as his cue to join in. He kneeled behind me and pulled on my clothes as I clawed at Anne’s. As we moved to the floor, they were careful not to touch each other, gauging how I handled everything. When I was sure of my own feelings I dragged them on top of me. I felt a small pang of jealousy as I watched Ian enter Anne, but it was quickly replaced by desire at the site of his fingers digging into her hips, her breasts bouncing above me with every thrust. We rolled around on the floor, effortlessly switching the attention from one another until we’d all reached orgasm.
The next morning was surprisingly easy. There was no awkwardness or regret. We joked about the rug burns we’d gotten on our knees and acted completely normal. Ian and Anne kept a distance between each other, comforting any worries I’d felt about them getting too close after the night we had. Later that day, we met up again in Anne’s living room. I’d had no intentions of anything happening, but before I knew it, we were all naked on the floor once again. However, this time was different. We were sober and unsure of ourselves. It’d been so easy to include everyone the night before, but this time I was finding myself left out quite often. Anne was spending way too much time on top of Ian, however, the worst moment was when she kissed him. She hadn’t done that the night before. I definitely wasn’t okay with it, but tried to let it go. It was obvious the next day that we shouldn’t have had that second threesome.
I’m not sure what changed the second go around, or why it was suddenly harder to include everyone. Perhaps the alcohol had dulled our senses, but everything seemed to be more painful the second night. My knees were already stiff and sore; the scratchy carpet was only making it worse. At one point I found myself pinned between Anne and her couch, straddling Ian’s chest. His head was crammed up against the side of the couch while Anne bounced away on him. When I was finally able to break away I instantly became the third wheel. Ian’s head was at such a weird angle that I couldn’t reach him. Anne was so focused on herself that I had to sit and wait, awkwardly petting them to keep some sort of contact going, until she decided to switch positions. Everything had worked out a lot better when we were more focused on satisfying each other, rather than just ourselves.
There are definitely some lessons I learned from these experiences. The sad truth is it’s a lot easier to have a threesome with someone you have more casual feelings for. So what do you when someone you love deeply asks you to participate in one? Or what if you’re the one asking? Speaking from experience, I don’t think the person asking for a threesome should make the first suggestions of who the third party should be, but it is an important decision to agree on. If you’re the one asking for a ménage a trios, it’s not a good idea to propose bringing in your partner’s “hot friend” or someone you’ve dated before, no matter how much you secretly want to do them. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your partner will pick someone you fantasize about. Instead, you could suggest a mutual friend you’ve made as a couple. However, it’s still risky to pick a friend, even if you aren’t very close. I was very fortunate that my relationships with Ian and Anne weren’t ruined. I trusted them enough to know that they had no romantic interest in each other.
Perhaps the safer way of picking a third partner would be to meet someone new together, rather than picking from people you would see on a daily basis. Ladies, be careful who you allow into your bedroom. As shallow as it sounds, you’ll want to pick someone who won’t hurt your self-esteem, for your own sanity. When I was trying to think of a woman I’d allow to join Sean and me, I found that I wasn’t comfortable with anyone in our lives having sex with the man I wanted to marry. I suggested that we go to the “Bunny Ranch” since the women are professionals and constantly tested for STD’s. We would pick a woman at random, never have to see her again, and she would have no emotional attachment to Sean. I quickly dismissed this idea, realizing that all of these women would be gorgeous and thin. I doubted I’d be able to find one that was on the same “hotness level” as me. Of course, Sean didn’t understand this. He just gave me the excuse that he thinks I’m beautiful and no woman could ever compare to me blah, blah. I don’t care how much a man loves me, having a threesome with a woman that looks like a model would send my self-esteem plummeting.
If you aren’t sure you’d be comfortable with a threesome, there are a few alternatives you could suggest. Try bringing toys into the bedroom. If your man wants another woman to join you, try using a male masturbator together, such as a flesh light. You could also watch porn together and copy the positions in the scenes. Doing this can help you feel as if other people are with you, or like you’re a part of the scene. If these don’t seem to satisfy you or your partner, you can offer the same compromise of bringing in another man I tried with Sean. However, ladies, be prepared for your man to have the same reaction that Sean did. Men are more competitive, and a threesome with two men could easily turn into a power struggle. They’d also be self-conscious of who’s bigger and who can last longer. Some men would probably be repelled by the idea of doing such an intimate act with another man so close, even though you could make it clear that they wouldn’t have to touch each other at all.
If you’re like me and pained by the thought of watching the person you love with another woman, but are willing to at least be with one yourself, you could offer allowing your man to watch you and another woman together. Anne and I tried this a few years ago when she was dating a guy that I hated with a passion. There’s no way I’d ever let him come near me so the alternative was to let him watch. In our case, it didn’t end well. Anne’s boyfriend couldn’t stand seeing her with another person and he left the room, crying. Because of my dislike for him, I was okay with continuing what we’d started, even though I think it’s important to stop when the third party leaves the room.
I think one of the reasons why the first ménage a trios with Anne and Ian went so well is because I had set rules in place beforehand. Having guidelines would be important when inviting a friend to join you in the bedroom, but they’re probably a good idea to have anyway, especially if you’re uncomfortable. The three rules I’d had were that Ian had to start with me until I was comfortable, I had to be the one to make him orgasm, and if I wanted to stop or leave the room, they would have to stop, too. I’d had one friend warn me that when she and her boyfriend had a threesome, she left the room when she realized her boyfriend was more interested in her friend. They finished without her! Even with that as horrible as it is, possibly the worst threesome story I’ve heard was another friend who’d tried a threesome with her fiancé. Later that same day she caught her fiancé and the girl they were with having sex. Unless you want an open relationship, make it clear that having a threesome doesn’t allow your significant other to continue any sort of physical relationship with the other person.
Choose what is most important to you, and talk openly with the others involved. It may be an awkward conversation to have, but if you aren’t prepared, you could end up having a regrettable experience. After the second threesome with Ian and Anne, I’d wished that I’d put kissing on my “not okay” list. Even though it’s an innocent act, I found it to be surprisingly personal. Now, I feel as if I didn’t quite put enough thought into what I wanted from Anne and Ian. Aside from all my strange and painful experiences with threesomes, I’m glad I have at least one that I enjoyed. It was sexy, taboo, and just what I needed to spice up my sex life.