Jul 26, 2012

The literary world has been jolted with the surprise of having an erotic novel be a top seller and international sensation. And surely the novel Fifty Shades of Grey has done all the world a favor in bringing to mainstream awareness sex, and lesser known sexual practices. But where can we all go from here? For those of us that don’t necessarily want the author to fill in the specifics of the fantasy for us, Different Loving is a more dispassionate view of the world of sadomasochistic relationships, as well as fetishes and lesser known vehicles for better orgasms.

Including a general overview of the basics of bondage and discipline, the book outlines different psychologist’s perspectives on the benefits of such relationships ala The Secretary, starring Maggie Gyllenhal and James Spader (another good suggestion for you Fifty Shades fans out there!). The book also includes vignettes from those who enjoy certain activities outlined, explaining what it does for them, how it feels, and why they like it. Supplemented with a history on most of the classic bondage and fetishistic practices. I was personally intrigued with exactly how far back a lot of these “untraditional” practices go, many of which are so far back that they are better described as traditional rather than strange.

I’m not a BDSM participant myself, I’m not familiar with hardly any anti nomian sexual practices. But I found the book easy to read and understand. It answered a lot of curiosity and questions I had regarding a lot of this stuff when my former reaction  was, “Why would you ever want to do that?”. For anyone who just wants to know more, or thinks that they might like to dabble in just a few things related to dominance, submission, or even simply having more transcendent sex, the volume has a wealth of ideas.

That is where the authors really got me. Before, the sadomasochistic dichotomy was all silly props, and Satanist costumes. I was surprised to discover a different side, an alchemical process that very well could be the path to becoming a more actualized human being, and the key that may unite two lovers in a way that any traditional roles defined by our aged Victorian morals could. And trust me, this is the last place I ever thought I would find that. Fans of Tantra or those who are looking for a deeper, truer Tantric practice will find some bells rung here. There’s a little bit of something for everyone – even those who just want to shake things up and make them interesting. In the end, its all about rounding out your experiences, embracing your fears and enjoying your limits. And with all the information in this book, it makes it incredibly easy to be freed.

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May 17, 2012

Determining the difference between a fashion corset and a body modification corset.

A true corset has steel boning, which are the rods that keep the fabric straight without wrinkling or puckering. Fashion corsets have plastic boning or no boning which will not make the corset strong enough to hold in tissue without bulging and wearing unevenly. Fashion corsets will rarely have more than one layer of fabric, making them prone to tearing if they are laced too tightly. These type of corsets are more of a shirt than shapewear. Corsets proper for body modification have many layers of strong fabric and reinforced stitching. They will also have thicker steel rods running in the front center and on either sides of the laces to protect the spine from curving and to hold the front of the abdomen in.

True Corsets Have:

• -Steel boning
• -Rigid steel busk (front closure)
• -Rigid steel lace stays (back closure)
• -Thicker material
• -Sturdier stitching

Sizing for a corset

The easiest way is for a sales assistant to guide you in choosing a few sizes to make sure you pick the best one for your proportions. Corsets can fit anyone, including someone with proportions in a size K cup and a size small waist. Corsets are generally sized by the waistline minus four inches, but a larger cup size will require a slightly larger corset size, unless you are getting fitted for an underbust style. A new corset should never lace all the way closed. Even after one wear the fabric stretches and the body adapts to the piece. It will go on tighter every time. Especially if an intense reduction is desired in the long run, the corset should fit on the smaller side so there is room to shrink.

Corset sizing in general:

• -Extra small 20
• -Small 22
• -Medium 24
• -Large 26
• -Extra large 28
• -1x/2x 30
• -3x/4x 32

Getting comfortable

A key to being comfortable in a corset for long periods of time is to take it slowly, and to have the steels in your corset bent to account for your curves. Not only will this enable your waist to go even smaller, but will prevent bruising on hip bones and chest. The steels in a new corset are straight, even in the cups. Since no one’s body is straight, some intelligently placed bends assist in a lot more comfort. There are lots of styles a corset can be bent to, but and anatomically correct bend is the best. One can bend a corset themselves, it isn’t too difficult and if a mistake is made the steels bend back easily. If you are being fitted in a boutique you can ask a sales associate to do it for you. The trick is molding the steels softly while the corset is on the body, then taking it off and intensifying the bends. There is also a tape on the inside of the corset that works well as a guide.

It is also important to listen to your body while wearing a corset. If a nerve feels pinched, or you feel it is too tight, loosen it. Often it is just a passing phase your body goes through once or twice a day, and it gets better as your body gets used to a corset. If it is persisting whenever the corset is on, you may need to reconsider where the steels are bent and make sure the laces are pulling from your true waist, the soft spot in between your ribs and your hips.

Let your skin breathe. Unless it is for lingerie or a photo shoot, wearing a thin camisole or slip underneath the corset is a good idea. Not only will it protect the corset from needing more cleaning, but it will prevent chafing and itching.

Effectiveness. How much can I lose?

The first inch is merely the compression of fat cells from being round to being oval shaped. This can happen very quickly, in as little as 8 weeks from wearing a corset only a few days a week, and this inch is usually lost even without the corset on. After this first compression of tissue occurs, most tightlacers lose an inch a year. There is a snap back that occurs when the corset is off. The shape of the corset will be what your body retains the easiest over time, just in larger less compressed proportion. The more the corset is worn, the more dense your tissue will become and will shift away from the corset, and the less different the body without the corset will appear. The timeline for this is not exact, as this is dependent upon diet and exercise, genetics and just how frequently you are out of the corset.

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May 16, 2012

“Is that the new thing now?” I get asked. And I realize it really is. Corset wear has been making a slow comeback over the last two decades, and I get a feeling looking over my past year in a corset that we haven’t seen the peak yet. In the age of strong nylons engineered to be shape wear, we have come full circle. The steel armor that was once abandoned for being too stuffy is now being realized as the most effective body enhancement that doesn’t involve a surgeon.

What started out as a novelty for me turned into a venture that would mold my body and change my feelings about corsets in the present. I spent nine months in a corset. Nine months full of research and experience, different styles of corset and experience with other long-run tightlacers following their own trends in this age of congruous fashions.

Waist training is an effective way to permanently reshape the body. Similar to the way spa body wraps work, semi-regular wear of a corset will compress fat cells from being round to being oval shaped, which can reduce you permanently without the corset on by an inch in very little time, even as little as a few months. The more a corset is worn, it will begin to redefine musculature in the abdomen, and it is from this that a regular lacer loses about an inch yearly. After years of compressing fat tissue and muscle, a dedicated person will eventually reshape the soft lower ribs, which are made of cartilage.

Weighing exactly the same in my nine months of wear, I have lost an inch and a half. Unbelievably, a corset has done what a lifetime of exercise could not do: change my shape. My hips are no longer squared off with a small tire that was forming around me like a halo of fat. Instead, it is all smooth lines. With the corset off I’m no longer the reduced 5 inches that I’ve achieved, but my body retains a shadow of the pieces I wear. Little dedication was required for me to gain benefit from a corset. The first inch I lost disappeared while only wearing the corset a few times a week for three months. While increasing back support and toning new muscles deep in the core over time, a corset instantly reduces anyone four inches, even those that have never worn one before.

But is it practical?

In my daily wear tightlacing it was surprising to me how practical a corset really can be. Where full corsets are more restricting of upper body movement, an underbust is simple and quick to lace by oneself, and allows for bending down and turning the torso. The busk (front closure) and laces sit flat, and are unnoticeable even under thinner shirts. Although I love the look of an underbust over clothing, because it shows off the figure better and is a great accessory to most outfits. Corsets can look extremely modern and fresh, contrary to the depiction they have as historical costume wear or vinyl fetishist garb. Think Alexander McQueen’s fairytale nymphs from his last runway show. As far as comfort goes, I think the most pain associated with a corset is the pain people imagine there is when they first see an intense reduction. Most experienced lacers adjust throughout the day whenever there is discomfort. If a corset is fitted correctly, there is room to expand the piece on the body as well as contract it. As the body naturally swells and subsides in its own rhythm, the corset can be made to adjust to it. It is reasonable to let it out once a day for a few hours, then tighten it again when it feels loose.

Maybe it’s the movies with women struggling to grip a bedpost, while the maids wrestle the strings, while the heroin gasps for air against the device. People look at me shocked and suspiciously when I tell them I lace into my corsets alone, with no assistance. But true corset strings slide easily through their eyelets. One pull upwards tightens the bottom, one pull downwards tightens the top of the corset. Sometimes it is necessary to pick the laces where they cross up the corset to get a better fit, but even this added to the process never takes longer than a few minutes.

Is it safe?

This is the hottest topic with corset lacing. Through the ages the woman who tightlaced was considered evil, prone to drug addiction, and full of contempt for motherhood. They had “perverted” and undergarment that was believed to help women be more moral when worn not too tightly. They were accused of gratifying masochistic desires, and of carrying disease. Many women who died of syphilis and consumption were ruled as victims of corset wear. Other ailments were attributed to wear of a corset including cancer, reynauds syndrome, and epilepsy. Even ailments that do not exist were deemed as the evil of wearing a corset too tightly: 18th century literature speculates that a woman could have her breasts spew pus and that a tight corset would retain all of her menstrual blood until a bursting point which would put her in a state of labor. Others suggested that lack of blood flow to the brain from a corset made women inferior. Ethel Granger, the world record holder for smallest waist, measuring at her tiniest thirteen inches lived into her late eighties. Many tests were done on her health throughout her lifetime. Her organs, while shifted down into her hips, all functioned healthily. No abnormalities were found. The only alarming thing that occurred from her radical size was the discomfort she had when the corset was off. She did not like to be without it for long, as her muscles had adapted to being held up by a corset constantly. Most tightlacers, even those in the community that have an 8” reduction or more, can still comfortably move without a corset. Many corset train for a long while and reduce quite far, and then take a break for a season. This is a healthier, modern approach that allows for muscle definition without the corset on to stay strong.

Benefits of wearing a corset are actually apparent- back support for those on their feet all day and posture correction, preventing slouching and hunching of the shoulders.

There is no experience that can quite compare to the sensation of wearing a corset in daily life. After the arguments of its practicality, its safety, its attractiveness, there is the actual happening. There is the way clothes fit, the way each outfit is totally new on the body. You walk a little taller, yes because your spine is being held straight under the pressure of fourteen rods of steel, but also because there is some pleasure in the close embrace around the small of your waist. I expected the stares when I walked down the street. I even expected the great shape that emerged out of the bars of the corset over time as my awkward angles melted away. What I didn’t expect was the erotic thrill of it that never really wanes, day after day. The energy that flows in an hourglass shape is intoxicating. Maybe it is the new center of gravity, or the tightened muscles in the lower abdomen. It is tangible by the wearer and often those who catch a glance at the hips graduating into an impossibly small waist. A liberating feeling, a feeling of mastery over self, over sexuality. Over a hot debate in a 19th century news article, one woman adhered her peers to stick to the corset:

“Stick to your stays ladies, and triumph over the other sex.” –Lydia Becker

And I am more convinced than I ever thought I’d be.

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Apr 12, 2012

Strap-On sex is often considered something extreme, rather dark and perhaps more domination-oriented than what the average person might be interested to explore, but for gay and straight couples it is becoming one of the more popular items purchased at the Sugarhouse Blue Boutique. A less-talked about kind of person who can also benefit from this kind of device is the man with erectile dysfunctions, perhaps from a prostate surgery, who no longer can achieve an erection firm enough or long enough for intercourse.

So… what’s so great about it? For Straight Couples:

The most obvious benefit from using a strap-on as a straight couple is the stimulation of the male prostate gland, which has numerous health benefits that are still being researched. Many doctors believe there are heath conditions that prostate stimulation can benefit that haven’t been discovered yet. The basic principle is, prostate stimulation enhances blood flow in the pelvic area, bringing new oxygen and nutrients to tissues, helping those tissues release built-up toxins. This in turn can improve erectile dysfunction, relieve any pain or swelling in the area, and prevent future complications for the prostate and related systems.

The benefit for women is that they have a different way to connect with their partner, and can have clitoral orgasms while using the strap-on. Use of a strap-on can also be excellent foreplay for both partners. It is also a way to use a toy together, without the toy being much of a third party; both man and woman are using all of their bodies and experiencing the toy together.

So… what’s so great about it? For the ED Man:

For men with severe erectile dysfunction, the strap-on can restore much of a depleted sex life. There are many hollow strap-ons with different sized, so that the man can be four inches up to 11 inches!! Vibrating models give extra stimulation to both partners. All hollow strap-ons can be used by men or women, so she can use it on him as well.

So… what’s so great about it? For the Lesbian Couple:

The benefits here are pretty obvious: introducing a strap-on in the relationship can add an entire new aspect to orgasms. And if internal toys have already been introduced, then a strap-on is a great way to make their use more intimate. The greatest thing about the use of a strap-on for lesbian couples is the closeness it can create between partners, and g-spot stimulation. For the partner that wears it, a clitoral vibrating strap-on can be just as stimulation for her as the partner she is using it on. And with internally worn strap-on dildos, you can have  an experience without any straps of any kind, sharing the toy together.

What to look for in a strap-on device:

When shopping for a strap-on, it can be pretty overwhelming. Sex toy shopping is already pretty harrowing without the added challenge of all the parts there are to consider with a strap-on system. Luckily, when I bought mine I was in a sex toy shop in Logan, so I only had one choice. If you come into one of our locations, we have a lot of different brands to choose from. While I’m definitely biased toward what brands are better, you can still find a good strap-on, if you know what to look for.

-Clitoral vibration vs. plain: Some strap-ons come with a clitoral vibrator to stimulate the woman wearing it while she penetrates the other person. Most of them are just a cheap watch battery bullet, but the pocket lets you replace it if you have a better one at home. Brands to look for: Tantus, Sportsheets

-Internally worn vs. externally worn: Some models, such as the Feeldoe, are totally strap-free, allowing both partners to simply share the toy without restraint. These models come with a vibration option, the basic watch battery bullet that is interchangeable. The downside to these toys is you have to invest in an entire new piece if you want a different size, and if you aren’t shaped correctly or internally tight enough, the toy may fall out and you may have to hold it in place.

-The toys that come with your system of choice: Many systems come with toys made out of unhygienic materials, low grade plastics that can ooze oils and chemicals which then irritate the users. even if this toy doesn’t produce irritation for you, it will leave pores where chemicals and oils have become unbonded from the plastic, leaving space for bacteria to grow and eventually cracking apart. Silicone is the most hygenic and long-lasting plastic that does not unbond. you can however, replace the toys that come with your system in most cases, which brings us to the next point;

-Interchangeable toys: I am of the persuasion that interchangeability is one of the best features to have in a strap-on system. Because you never know if you will want a smaller or larger toy, or one that vibrates, or one that is softer/firmer later on down the road. Most systems that are worth their price will have removable o-rings whereby you can use any toy with a base to them. The only brand that is only compatible with its own toys is the Vac-U-Lock system by Doc Johnson; which I do not recommend for this reason and also, that the backs of their strap-ons are hard plastic and screws. They do however have the most options in realistic looking dildos to go with them. Recommended brands for interchangeable parts: Sportsheets, KinkLab, and Tantus

-The straps themselves: Always keep in mind that while all straps are adjustable, the material they are made of needs to be comfortable, and having features such as velvet, fleece, or soft nylon, will add to the comfort of wearing the strap-on. Also remember that thong style strap-ons can make it harder for your partner to access your genitalia, or can be uncomfortable. Most strap-ons are harness style, wrapping around the  legs, instead of between them.

-The Menage-a-Trois: Finally, there are strap-ons that a man can wear in order to give a female double penetration. Most will have a cock ring for him to go through attached to the harness, which has an interchangeable ring for an added dildo that sits above the penis. These aren’t as numerous, but I’ve found the Sportsheets Menage-a-trois model is the highest quality.

Stap-ons are a fantastic addition to your toy box as they are one of the most dynamic pieces you can own, and can be used to give pleasure to just about anyone. And with the right knowledge, you are sure to find one to fit your lifestyle and your comfort zone. And best of all, they’re good for you, like most sexual stimulation, but even more so for men. And no, if you enjoy prostate massage, it does not mean you are gay. We hear that question all the time! Liking one part of your body stimulated just means you enjoy pleasure and the many health benefits from it!

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